"Should I not hold myself to a higher standard than lying to people?"
If, if, if. If she had said something, if she had been more stubborn, less pliant, less eager to please. If she had begged her father to send that woman away, or at least talk to her. If she had opened her mouth and ruined everything publicly and stopped caring about what people thought, what was "good" behavior.
Helena takes a breath, deflates. It's not being infected with malicious code and sent to mass kill at a mining installation, but it's the thing she'll blame herself for, even more than all the times she can't save people. And so it runs out of her, because she needs Security to understand that she's not asking to be excused.
"...She persuaded me to do it. When you weren't there. The creative writing...about things that never happened. She brought them to people, and they believed that it was all true. Said it would make them happier if I played along." If she lied about herself, about her upbringing, about what her teacher had done for her.
"I shouldn't have."
Because it just got bigger, and bigger. More complicated, until the only way out was to try to flee.
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timeasmymeasure
no subject
Date: 2023-03-14 09:01 am (UTC)If, if, if. If she had said something, if she had been more stubborn, less pliant, less eager to please. If she had begged her father to send that woman away, or at least talk to her. If she had opened her mouth and ruined everything publicly and stopped caring about what people thought, what was "good" behavior.
Helena takes a breath, deflates. It's not being infected with malicious code and sent to mass kill at a mining installation, but it's the thing she'll blame herself for, even more than all the times she can't save people. And so it runs out of her, because she needs Security to understand that she's not asking to be excused.
"...She persuaded me to do it. When you weren't there. The creative writing...about things that never happened. She brought them to people, and they believed that it was all true. Said it would make them happier if I played along." If she lied about herself, about her upbringing, about what her teacher had done for her.
"I shouldn't have."
Because it just got bigger, and bigger. More complicated, until the only way out was to try to flee.