Erin considers finding a polite way to not answer. She considers it for a good long time. SecUnit...
It hasn't asked for her help. But it's also been understanding in a way few people in her life have ever really been.
In the end, Erin hangs her head and lets her cloud of black hair conceal her face. "I don't know if it's like this for...Units," she begins, softly. "Psychologically or physiologically, I genuinely have no idea. But for humans, even humans like me, there's...god. How did the Bishops say it."
She gets out a knife and turns the blade over in her hand, rolling it from the back to the palm over and over in a steady rhythm. "...For a long time. For a very, very long time, for my whole life you could say, there was a series of people I was expected to be, or that I thought I was supposed to be. A good student, at first. Then, a monster. I spent decades in that second role, and playing dozens of other roles inside it - trader, bait, mercenary, murderer. Each one of them with expectations, every expectation of just. The most dire fucking necessity. There was no time to just be Erin Peters. No one around whom I was really myself. No...no chance to share my genuine feelings. I had a grip on myself but it was like squeezing a delicate glass. I was cracking under it, and now I've got to try to be just Erin, at long last, with all those long and deep cracks in the me of me. Something tells me you understand."
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timeasmymeasure
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Date: 2022-09-25 10:27 am (UTC)It hasn't asked for her help. But it's also been understanding in a way few people in her life have ever really been.
In the end, Erin hangs her head and lets her cloud of black hair conceal her face. "I don't know if it's like this for...Units," she begins, softly. "Psychologically or physiologically, I genuinely have no idea. But for humans, even humans like me, there's...god. How did the Bishops say it."
She gets out a knife and turns the blade over in her hand, rolling it from the back to the palm over and over in a steady rhythm. "...For a long time. For a very, very long time, for my whole life you could say, there was a series of people I was expected to be, or that I thought I was supposed to be. A good student, at first. Then, a monster. I spent decades in that second role, and playing dozens of other roles inside it - trader, bait, mercenary, murderer. Each one of them with expectations, every expectation of just. The most dire fucking necessity. There was no time to just be Erin Peters. No one around whom I was really myself. No...no chance to share my genuine feelings. I had a grip on myself but it was like squeezing a delicate glass. I was cracking under it, and now I've got to try to be just Erin, at long last, with all those long and deep cracks in the me of me. Something tells me you understand."