SecUnit (Murderbot) (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
serialskiller) wrote2022-03-05 09:19 pm
serialskiller) wrote2022-03-05 09:19 pm
SAIL IC Inbox
Messages will be answered when I'm done with this episode of my serial.
Messages will be answered when I'm done with this episode of my serial.
It's a full five minutes and change before the next text.
I will spare you the lecture. If I know you at all you already gave it to yourself.
It can be hard to accept that others love you when you do not love yourself. But we cannot all be insane or stupid. What we see in you is there.
I will spare you the lecture. If I know you at all you already gave it to yourself.
It can be hard to accept that others love you when you do not love yourself. But we cannot all be insane or stupid. What we see in you is there.
Ten minutes tick by. Fifteen. Thirty.
Even if I could order you not to cease I would not. A long time ago I stole a book to read aloud to Anne. Stardust. It said something I think about still. To own something you must be able to relinquish it. If you cannot it belongs to whoever has forced it upon you. When I was a slave I could not die and my life was not mine. Now I am free to cease. I will not take your life from you.
But.
I do prefer you here.
Even if I could order you not to cease I would not. A long time ago I stole a book to read aloud to Anne. Stardust. It said something I think about still. To own something you must be able to relinquish it. If you cannot it belongs to whoever has forced it upon you. When I was a slave I could not die and my life was not mine. Now I am free to cease. I will not take your life from you.
But.
I do prefer you here.
None of us stay dead here. It isn't a real option we have. So it doesn't really matter. The captain owns all of us.
But if someone else had possessed it, that held the possibility of permanency. Didn't it?
But if someone else had possessed it, that held the possibility of permanency. Didn't it?
Do not know about that. Not to enable your self destruction while expressing my argument against it but if you just keep dying every morning eventually it will stick. Proposed it to another passenger when I offered them my life before everything started happening. It is an objective to which I have given serious consideration precisely to own myself.
Okay. You offered someone your life.
Do you even get to have this conversation with me, after that?
Do you even get to have this conversation with me, after that?
Depends. Do you have a preference to express about my life?
She knows it's at least a little mean to send.
But, well.
Sometimes that's the medicine on order.
She knows it's at least a little mean to send.
But, well.
Sometimes that's the medicine on order.
The response takes a few minutes.
No. I don't have a preference to express.
No. I don't have a preference to express.
Then I suppose I will run my mouth. I do not seek to die but I believe I will soon be in a position where I will be unwilling to live at the required cost. When this crisis passes I will tell you everything. In the meantime please stay safe.
Nearly immediately:
Wait, you can't just say that and go.
Someone might have lied about not having a preference, like a liar.
Wait, you can't just say that and go.
Someone might have lied about not having a preference, like a liar.
We are texting buddy my power to go is limited. But I genuinely cannot tell this story right now if that is what you want. I have to guard Johnny.
I will be fine for now. Had sense talked into me but I need to take this one crisis at a time. Do let me know if you develop a preference.
The opposite of a door out of a difficult topic: an invitation back in.
The opposite of a door out of a difficult topic: an invitation back in.
Uggggh, it doesn't know what to say here.
I feel safer with you here.
Not just when I'm recharging. But all the time.
I feel safer with you here.
Not just when I'm recharging. But all the time.
Genuinely happy to provide. That is something I want out of the person I hope to be. Thank you for telling me.
We will talk when there is time.
It will not be easy for me. But you make it easier to be what I am.
We will talk when there is time.
It will not be easy for me. But you make it easier to be what I am.
The knock comes on SecUnit's door as usual. Erin still hasn't slept for...obvious reasons, but she has a standing appointment with her friend. Even if what it said about her putting herself on it is bouncing around her exhausted mind still.
"Buddy?" Erin calls through the door. "I lost track of you once the fight started but everyone's waking up. I'm here."
"Buddy?" Erin calls through the door. "I lost track of you once the fight started but everyone's waking up. I'm here."
"Go 'way. I don't need to recharge today."
It's spoken at a low volume. She has elf-ears, she'll hear it, right?
It's spoken at a low volume. She has elf-ears, she'll hear it, right?
Erin rests her head on the door. "...You tell me to go again and I'll go. But can I at least see if you're okay? I. Was there for a few friends checking out yesterday. It'd be...I...I would like to see that you're okay."
There are shuffling sounds. A pause of a little less than 30 seconds. When Murderbot opens the door, it is wearing its helmet.
Erin looks her friend up and down. Dots connect in her head.
"...You went down, didn't you?" she asks softly. "No way you were fighting and walked out of there completely unhurt. Now you don't need to recharge because you got back up in peak condition."
"...You went down, didn't you?" she asks softly. "No way you were fighting and walked out of there completely unhurt. Now you don't need to recharge because you got back up in peak condition."
"Exactly. So you don't need to worry about me today."
It nods slightly, and starts to shut the door.
It nods slightly, and starts to shut the door.
"...Maybe not but my time is still yours if you want it," Erin says softly. "I could stand to listen to some serials. If you're up for company from the sleepiest bitch on this boat?"
There's no insistence in her voice. Just an offer, there on the table.
There's no insistence in her voice. Just an offer, there on the table.
"I can watch over you. If you need to rest."
Its expression is impossible to read with the faceplate of its helmet opaqued. Its voice is even. Steady. Hollow?
Its expression is impossible to read with the faceplate of its helmet opaqued. Its voice is even. Steady. Hollow?
Erin shakes her head in a small motion. "I'm trying to go down too tired to have nightmares. I can't outrun them forever, but...not now, at least. I'll...see you tomorrow? Usual time?"
That little note of hope in her voice.
That little note of hope in her voice.
"Tomorrow." It nods. And there's a pause. "I. Hate throwing more onto your lap. But. Can...uh. If..."
And it stops, as if asking permission to ask her for something.
And it stops, as if asking permission to ask her for something.
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