SAIL IC Inbox

[serialskiller]

Messages will be answered when I'm done with this episode of my serial.

Comments

[serialskiller]

Next, your ankles. Roll your feet and then relax your ankles.

[It will go slowly up the body, joint by joint. Methodical, calm. From ankles to knees to hips--up through to shoulders and down to fingers. Neck and chin. Watching to see if there's any improvement along the way.]

[makesomedeals]

[By the time he gets to his wrists he is slightly better, none of the jerky marionette movements he'd been doing earlier. And he shockingly doesn't comment on the fact he's wearing the pants with the busted and patched knees thanks to their first meeting.

Other things are occupying his processors right now.]

How do you know to do this?

[Because none of this would have occurred to him, he would have stayed on his floor short circuiting until he eventually shut down completely and Maeve found him when she came home.]

[serialskiller]

This happens to me at least once a week. I spend maybe ten to fifteen percent of the time in a similar but less complete state of anxiety.

I'm glad, that you've never hit this state before. It sucks.

[makesomedeals]

[He stares at it because what the fuck? ]

Ten percent? How do you even function the other ninety?

[ He already feels like he's gonna be useless for a week.]

[serialskiller]

Force of will. When my governor module was active, I wasn't allowed to show any of this outwardly. It was all internal processes. Here on the ship...I buffer less and display more and weirdly enough, that helps somewhat. Not completely--never completely. But enough that I'm doing alright here, mostly. Enough that you didn't realize it.

[But would he have? Max wasn't looking for this at any point in Murderbot, was he?]

[makesomedeals]

I didn't realize it because I didn't even know this was a thing that could happen. At least not without being infected with malicious code or hacked.

[The fact he did this to himself somehow? That's extra horrifying. He doesn't even have anyone to blame for this.]

What causes this other than nebulous emotions because I would like to avoid this ever happening again. If that's even possible since I presume if it was that easy you wouldn't spend a substantial amount of time in this state. Ideally neither of us would ever have to deal with this for.. forever would be a decent amount of time I think.

[serialskiller]

Enduring large amounts of stress in a short period of time without being able to process it. Which is kind of our lives here. You seem to have a higher tolerance, or perhaps a greater ability to compartmentalize, though. Which might be attributed to being fully inorganic.

[makesomedeals]

Ah.

Yes.

That would.... hn.

[ Suddenly he knows exactly what caused this. And while its not likely to happen again(?) The threat that it could almost sets him off again. But he manages to brace himself, hunching up further into the blanket and looking vaguely pathetic.]

It's not so much tolerance as being able to redirect stress into anger. And I wasn't able to do that today.

[serialskiller]

You were on the island with Skulduggery after the rest of us left.

[This is absolutely not a question. Nor is there any hint of surprise to it.]

[makesomedeals]

Yes.

[No use in lying, if Murderbot was patrolling around likely it was the last one on the boats ensuring everyone's safety. It'd know Max didn't come back to the ship.]

He asked some of us to stay. It was... not precisely what I expected.