Force of will. When my governor module was active, I wasn't allowed to show any of this outwardly. It was all internal processes. Here on the ship...I buffer less and display more and weirdly enough, that helps somewhat. Not completely--never completely. But enough that I'm doing alright here, mostly. Enough that you didn't realize it.
[But would he have? Max wasn't looking for this at any point in Murderbot, was he?]
I didn't realize it because I didn't even know this was a thing that could happen. At least not without being infected with malicious code or hacked.
[The fact he did this to himself somehow? That's extra horrifying. He doesn't even have anyone to blame for this.]
What causes this other than nebulous emotions because I would like to avoid this ever happening again. If that's even possible since I presume if it was that easy you wouldn't spend a substantial amount of time in this state. Ideally neither of us would ever have to deal with this for.. forever would be a decent amount of time I think.
Enduring large amounts of stress in a short period of time without being able to process it. Which is kind of our lives here. You seem to have a higher tolerance, or perhaps a greater ability to compartmentalize, though. Which might be attributed to being fully inorganic.
[ Suddenly he knows exactly what caused this. And while its not likely to happen again(?) The threat that it could almost sets him off again. But he manages to brace himself, hunching up further into the blanket and looking vaguely pathetic.]
It's not so much tolerance as being able to redirect stress into anger. And I wasn't able to do that today.
[No use in lying, if Murderbot was patrolling around likely it was the last one on the boats ensuring everyone's safety. It'd know Max didn't come back to the ship.]
He asked some of us to stay. It was... not precisely what I expected.
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timeasmymeasure
no subject
Date: 2022-09-20 09:01 pm (UTC)Ten percent? How do you even function the other ninety?
[ He already feels like he's gonna be useless for a week.]
no subject
Date: 2022-09-20 09:24 pm (UTC)[But would he have? Max wasn't looking for this at any point in Murderbot, was he?]
no subject
Date: 2022-09-21 06:55 am (UTC)[The fact he did this to himself somehow? That's extra horrifying. He doesn't even have anyone to blame for this.]
What causes this other than nebulous emotions because I would like to avoid this ever happening again. If that's even possible since I presume if it was that easy you wouldn't spend a substantial amount of time in this state. Ideally neither of us would ever have to deal with this for.. forever would be a decent amount of time I think.
no subject
Date: 2022-09-21 07:00 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2022-09-21 07:12 am (UTC)Yes.
That would.... hn.
[ Suddenly he knows exactly what caused this. And while its not likely to happen again(?) The threat that it could almost sets him off again. But he manages to brace himself, hunching up further into the blanket and looking vaguely pathetic.]
It's not so much tolerance as being able to redirect stress into anger. And I wasn't able to do that today.
no subject
Date: 2022-09-21 07:17 am (UTC)[This is absolutely not a question. Nor is there any hint of surprise to it.]
no subject
Date: 2022-09-21 09:05 pm (UTC)[No use in lying, if Murderbot was patrolling around likely it was the last one on the boats ensuring everyone's safety. It'd know Max didn't come back to the ship.]
He asked some of us to stay. It was... not precisely what I expected.