SAIL IC Inbox

[serialskiller]

Messages will be answered when I'm done with this episode of my serial.

Comments

[crushed_pearls]

I think I might.

Tired of waking to a new day that feels pointless. Tired even around people because it feels like they will never accept you as what you are. Of your efforts feeling like all they do is keep things the same. Tired of the voice in your head that says people have to be insane or deceived to care about you. Exhausted from watching others live in a world of beauty that seems to have no place for you. I know that tired. It is the feeling that reminds you that death is the last friend you will make, there for you when you need her the most.

That tired?

[serialskiller]

I told one of the possessing ghosts they could have my body to bring someone important to them back.

They didn't know how to.

That tired.

[crushed_pearls]

It's a full five minutes and change before the next text.

I will spare you the lecture. If I know you at all you already gave it to yourself.

It can be hard to accept that others love you when you do not love yourself. But we cannot all be insane or stupid. What we see in you is there.

[serialskiller]

To this, there is no response.

[crushed_pearls]

Ten minutes tick by. Fifteen. Thirty.

Even if I could order you not to cease I would not. A long time ago I stole a book to read aloud to Anne. Stardust. It said something I think about still. To own something you must be able to relinquish it. If you cannot it belongs to whoever has forced it upon you. When I was a slave I could not die and my life was not mine. Now I am free to cease. I will not take your life from you.

But.

I do prefer you here.

[serialskiller]

None of us stay dead here. It isn't a real option we have. So it doesn't really matter. The captain owns all of us.

But if someone else had possessed it, that held the possibility of permanency. Didn't it?

[crushed_pearls]

Do not know about that. Not to enable your self destruction while expressing my argument against it but if you just keep dying every morning eventually it will stick. Proposed it to another passenger when I offered them my life before everything started happening. It is an objective to which I have given serious consideration precisely to own myself.

[serialskiller]

Okay. You offered someone your life.

Do you even get to have this conversation with me, after that?

[crushed_pearls]

Depends. Do you have a preference to express about my life?

She knows it's at least a little mean to send.

But, well.

Sometimes that's the medicine on order.

[serialskiller]

The response takes a few minutes.

No. I don't have a preference to express.

[crushed_pearls]

Then I suppose I will run my mouth. I do not seek to die but I believe I will soon be in a position where I will be unwilling to live at the required cost. When this crisis passes I will tell you everything. In the meantime please stay safe.

[serialskiller]

Nearly immediately:

Wait, you can't just say that and go.

Someone might have lied about not having a preference, like a liar.

[crushed_pearls]

We are texting buddy my power to go is limited. But I genuinely cannot tell this story right now if that is what you want. I have to guard Johnny.

[serialskiller]

Right.

Okay. Sorry.

[crushed_pearls]

I will be fine for now. Had sense talked into me but I need to take this one crisis at a time. Do let me know if you develop a preference.

The opposite of a door out of a difficult topic: an invitation back in.

[serialskiller]

Uggggh, it doesn't know what to say here.

I feel safer with you here.

Not just when I'm recharging. But all the time.

[crushed_pearls]

Genuinely happy to provide. That is something I want out of the person I hope to be. Thank you for telling me.

We will talk when there is time.

It will not be easy for me. But you make it easier to be what I am.