She shakes her head. "Bell was on duty, and something made them fall asleep." Her face twists up for a moment in frustration. "I don't know why I say something. It was magic. Just like the door that opened in my bedroom, and ... whatever effect it was that made me want to go through it."
One hand lifts and drops. "And then I was -- somewhere else. Paralyzed. Along with two other people, a friend of my brother's group and the daughter of one of them, except they weren't ... aware. Of what was going on. Delilah didn't have anything to say to them, you see."
"That she was ..." A rough, dry laugh. "Very hurt by how I'd behaved the last time we spoke -- that would be when I told her I was a de Rolo, and drove a sword through her. That Sylas didn't even want to see me. That she shouldn't have been surprised, because I was always -- fickle and willful, and of course I would betray them when the other side looked like winning --"
Her voice shakes. "That I still belonged to the Whispered One, and he still had a use for me."
It squeezes back. Not tight enough to injure, but enough to help keep her present.
"You belong to no one but yourself, Cassandra."
Fuck, once again it's doing that thing, where the words it speaks to someone else is what it struggles most to believe for itself. And worse, Cassandra's probably aware enough to catch it.
Under ordinary circumstances, she would be; the resonance will probably occur to her later. Right now she's too focused on trying to get through the memory while simultaneously trying to ground herself here and now; the main significance of SecUnit's words to her, in this moment, is that they're part of the latter.
"The whole time she was talking," and oh yes, there's the trembling she knows so well, deep in the pit of her belly, "I couldn't move, and she was ... taking off the armor I was wearing. My mother's armor. Piece by piece, and tossing it away like it was trash. Like it was nothing. And then dressing me in a different set of armor, black plate, for -- it was a trap. All three of us, we were a trap for my brother's party, we were set up to look like enemy guards. So they would attack us from stealth, and ... finding out who we were would be a distraction, and a delay."
"She put ... something on my head, and everything whited out. And the next thing I knew I was on the ground, feeling like I'd just been riddled with arrows, which ... turned out to be the truth. The trap worked. It wasn't enough in the end, they still won, but ... they were slowed down by finding out what they'd done, and bringing us back."
A breath. "But I didn't find out any of that until later. That friend of theirs teleported the three of us back to Whitestone, and ... I spent a long time in bed, recovering. And then --"
She smiles, painful but genuine. "Then I found out that while Bell was still out, Trish and Kynan and two others went out to search for me. They didn't have any way to find me, all they had was a direction and I was too far away, but they tried."
"I shouldn't have been. I felt like everyone had left me alone again, and then -- then there they were. All of this fate-of-the-world business going on, and what they cared about was making sure I was safe."
She brushes a hand across her cheek, under one eye; a faint reflective gleam is gone, after.
"I understand where their heads were at. It's how I often feel on this ship. People I care about are trying to solve and resolve things. I just want to make sure they're as safe as possible while they do so. It's...as worthy an endeavor, I think."
It pretends not to notice the tears. That's also its job.
She sees the motion, glances up to be sure she's understanding its intent, and then ducks under its arm and into the offered space. And for a moment she's quiet, just leaning into that protective strength.
"I think," she says then, slowly, "I need to talk to him. At least once. I'm still very afraid."
“Yes. Literally just find the nearest drone and grab it before you talk to him. Or any time you think you need my attention with you. I will never be mad at you for stealing one of my eyes.”
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timeasmymeasure
no subject
Date: 2023-01-26 10:24 pm (UTC)One hand lifts and drops. "And then I was -- somewhere else. Paralyzed. Along with two other people, a friend of my brother's group and the daughter of one of them, except they weren't ... aware. Of what was going on. Delilah didn't have anything to say to them, you see."
no subject
Date: 2023-01-26 10:31 pm (UTC)It reaches out quietly, to take that hand. To hold that hand. Its hand now, no take-backsies.
no subject
Date: 2023-01-26 11:14 pm (UTC)"That she was ..." A rough, dry laugh. "Very hurt by how I'd behaved the last time we spoke -- that would be when I told her I was a de Rolo, and drove a sword through her. That Sylas didn't even want to see me. That she shouldn't have been surprised, because I was always -- fickle and willful, and of course I would betray them when the other side looked like winning --"
Her voice shakes. "That I still belonged to the Whispered One, and he still had a use for me."
no subject
Date: 2023-01-26 11:36 pm (UTC)"You belong to no one but yourself, Cassandra."
Fuck, once again it's doing that thing, where the words it speaks to someone else is what it struggles most to believe for itself. And worse, Cassandra's probably aware enough to catch it.
no subject
Date: 2023-01-27 12:36 am (UTC)"The whole time she was talking," and oh yes, there's the trembling she knows so well, deep in the pit of her belly, "I couldn't move, and she was ... taking off the armor I was wearing. My mother's armor. Piece by piece, and tossing it away like it was trash. Like it was nothing. And then dressing me in a different set of armor, black plate, for -- it was a trap. All three of us, we were a trap for my brother's party, we were set up to look like enemy guards. So they would attack us from stealth, and ... finding out who we were would be a distraction, and a delay."
no subject
Date: 2023-01-27 12:51 am (UTC)“What happened next?”
no subject
Date: 2023-01-27 01:10 am (UTC)A breath. "But I didn't find out any of that until later. That friend of theirs teleported the three of us back to Whitestone, and ... I spent a long time in bed, recovering. And then --"
She smiles, painful but genuine. "Then I found out that while Bell was still out, Trish and Kynan and two others went out to search for me. They didn't have any way to find me, all they had was a direction and I was too far away, but they tried."
no subject
Date: 2023-01-27 08:06 pm (UTC)It understands. Even after it disabled its governor module, it took the important parts of its job seriously.
no subject
Date: 2023-01-27 08:46 pm (UTC)She brushes a hand across her cheek, under one eye; a faint reflective gleam is gone, after.
"It meant. A lot."
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Date: 2023-01-27 09:02 pm (UTC)It pretends not to notice the tears. That's also its job.
no subject
Date: 2023-01-27 09:42 pm (UTC)The endeavor, and perhaps also the one who serves it.
no subject
Date: 2023-01-28 03:35 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2023-01-29 12:35 am (UTC)"I think," she says then, slowly, "I need to talk to him. At least once. I'm still very afraid."
no subject
Date: 2023-01-29 12:42 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2023-01-29 02:37 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2023-01-29 06:42 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2023-01-29 04:42 pm (UTC)In a whisper: "Thank you, SecUnit."
no subject
Date: 2023-01-30 02:31 am (UTC)This is part of security, too.