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[serialskiller]

Messages will be answered when I'm done with this episode of my serial.

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[not_the_last]

Anywhere we can be assured of relative privacy? I would offer my cabin, but my roommate's presence is somewhat unpredictable.

[serialskiller]

I can bully Max out of our room. Or we could go someplace quiet like the spa or the formal dining room or a quiet corner of Tommy Bahama or the cheese shop.

[not_the_last]

I trust you're joking when you say bully, but nonetheless I don't wish to put Max out. The dining room will be fine, if it proves to be empty.

When would be a good time?

[serialskiller]

Max is my crew. Of course I’m joking.

I have no plans tonight or tomorrow afternoon. So. Now? Or whenever.

[not_the_last]

[There's a distinct pause before the next reply comes through.]

Now would be fine, thank you. I'll meet you there.

[serialskiller]

Security has, for whatever reason, brought its weighted blanket with it to the dining room, wearing it like a cape around its shoulders as it walks in. It’s got the anxiety, which comes naturally from a ‘can we talk?’ sort of message, but it’s trying hard not to show it.

[not_the_last]

Cassandra is sitting at her usual table in the dimly lit dining room, facing the door, her hands folded together to try to hide her own anxiety.

"I never know how to ask how anyone is, over text," she confesses. "How are you holding up?"

[serialskiller]

“I dunno. Am I in trouble?”

Her sitting with her hands folded evokes memories of Mensah holding herself together under stress. It makes it feel more like it’s being called into the principal’s office or to be examined by maintenance for acting poorly.

[not_the_last]

"What? No," she says at once, her voice going from startled to contrite in mid-syllable. "Not at all. I -- I wanted to talk because I think I may owe you an apology."

[serialskiller]

“Oh. Wait. Why?” It can’t think of a single thing Cassandra has done to it, that calls for drastic measure like that.

[not_the_last]

And didn't Helena ask her the same, at the start of the conversation that prompted this one?

"I --" In a very small voice: "Please sit down?"

[serialskiller]

It hesitates, and then moves closer, sitting beside her rather than across from her, and looking at the table rather than at her face, and it sets a hand on the table lightly, palm-up, but doesn't draw any further attention to it.

[not_the_last]

Quickly, without letting herself pause to think about it and second-guess herself, she puts her hand in its. And just sits there for a long moment, with the contact.

Finally, very low: "Apology might not be the right word. I ... don't know how else to approach talking to you about something I'm ashamed of."

[serialskiller]

"In words, aloud, please. I'm not very good at mind-reading." That is its attempt at a joke to lighten the mood. But its hand folds around hers, and slowly a smile grows on its lips.

It's gotten better at touch over time, and being able to hold her hand like this, it's really nice. No matter what the actual conversation is going to be, it'll suffer it for this.

[not_the_last]

Cassandra's smile has just the smallest flicker of flinch to it. A joke, yes -- but also exactly what Helena said: it prefers to be told.

"I'll do my best. It's ... I don't suppose Helena has talked to you at all, about the conversation we had recently?"

Yes, she knows that's a craven impulse, she can't help it.

[serialskiller]

"Conversation? With Helena? No, she didn't tell me shit. What was it about?"

It's getting to the point where it's more Concerned than curious, and it just sort of wants her to stop cranking up the anxiety dial on it.

[not_the_last]

"Oh," she sighs, "a number of things, but ... I'm sorry, I'm making a terrible mess of this. It began with apologizing to each other over things we said at the bridge, and somehow before we finished she managed to dig out a tangle of bad feelings I've been stuck in since winter."

A deep breath. "And to convince me that I need to tell you about it."

[serialskiller]

"...oh." It still doesn't understand, but tangles of bad feelings, that it knows damned well. So it squeezes her hand and nods of her to continue, listening thoughtfully. That's its role in all of this, at the moment, just to hear what she needs to say.

[not_the_last]

She squeezes its hand back, grateful for the connection.

"I should ... I must say first, before I go any further, that none of this is your fault. I did not and do not blame you for any of it. Or, or anyone else."

[serialskiller]

"You realize all these delays are making everything worse on my end, right? Cassandra, I need you to just. Start talking. Please. We can work out faults and blames and who's bad for feeling what afterwards, but I need to know what's going on."

This is paired with a small sidelong look to impress upon her how serious it is.

[not_the_last]

She shuts her eyes; she wants to put her face in her hands but one of her hands is held captive. "I'm sorry. I will. Just --"

A deep breath, in and out.

"I've been feeling jealous. Of Helena. Jealous and, and inferior. Since ... since the trial."

[serialskiller]

Security blinks a couple times.

"And you've been sitting on that and stewing this long. Half a year of that, rotting in you. Cassandra, that is the stupidest thing I've ever heard from you. Not the jealousy itself, but that you've let it last this long. So. What exactly are you jealous of? What does she have, that you want?"

[not_the_last]

"Oh," she says bitterly, eyes still shut, "no, I think you'll agree that the jealousy itself is the stupid thing. I've let it last this long because I've been trying to convince myself out of it, because it is stupid. Selfish and childish and pointless, because it isn't about anything she has that I want."

It's easier to bear when it comes from yourself, isn't it? murmurs Helena in her memory. Because you would rather call how you feel idiotic ... than risk an answer that would hurt you.

Oh but watch, mocks her own voice, I can do both at once.

"It started because you left with her."

[serialskiller]

There's a long thoughtful silence.

And then a long heavy sigh.

"And you don't think I should be sorry, for not recognizing there's a thing there sooner. Cass, I can't go back and fix that moment in the past, but I do want to be here for you. So. What do you need, now?"

[not_the_last]

She shakes her head, in denial of its words. "You've been here for me. You haven't done anything wrong. There was nothing to fix, even if you could."

The fingers of her free hand close in on themselves, in silent struggle.