[The knock gets through the spiral of frenzied confusion Max is succumbing to. Everything seems to be TOO MUCH and he's not in any position to react to that in a normal way.
Which is why he actually opens the door. Granted it takes him a few tries with how bad he's shaking, and the fact he's still kneeling on the ground. But he does open it.]
What...?
[ His voice is extremely distorted, and his eyes are flickering. But he does recognize SecUnit even if he doesn't really react.]
[It is horrified at seeing Max looking so undignified, down on the ground like a supplicant, like a slave. And yet, it stows that reaction for the moment.]
Hey. Let me in. I can help.
[There's no doubt in its tone, in its posture. It doesn't make eye contact, and its gaze drifts into the room as it figures out how to set up. If...if Max lets it.
Because a prideful no could still be coming. And in a lot of ways, that'd be a good sign.]
[In literally any other circumstance Max would shut the door in it's face. But right now,]
I don't know what's wrong with me.
[ He backs up, still down on all fours because he's too unsteady to get up. He looks at his shaking hands, making another staticky sound of confusion. ]
[Murderbot shuts the door behind itself after stepping in, and starts setting up. Media player on a table or dresser, playing a particularly calm episode of The Joy of Painting, with Bob Ross. Sketchbook set down for the moment. And then it sits down on the floor, and gently drapes the blanket (which smells like lavender and chamomile) around Max's shoulders. But it doesn't linger too close in his personal bubble.]
This sort of malfunction happens to me, sometimes. Or something substantially similar.
[ The fact Max lets it is probably a bad sign. But he doesn't move as the blanket is wrapped around him, doesn't even make a snide comment about it.
The smell immediately reminds him of all the teas that Ava had made specifically for the aroma. Which almost makes him panic again because she'd seen him when he....
Fortunately Murderbot starts talking and he can focus on that and try to push everything else out of the way.
You're experiencing emotional distress that is strong enough to affect you on a somatic level. Your processors are so overwhelmed, your body is reacting erratically.
So. I'm going to help you calm down, and relax your body.
[And that starts with just taking a moment to sit under the blanket. Max can't do deep calming breaths, that's not an option, so it's going to need to work on helping him regulate in another way.
[He grunts, forcing himself to move from kneeling to sitting with his legs outstretched in front of him. He holds onto the blanket to keep it from moving, hunching under the weight but for some reason not wanting to push it off him.]
This shouldn't be happening.
[ As if he can logic his way out of the situation. Something he knows doesn't work for emotions but he's going to try anyway.]
This has never been a problem before.
[Does he sound a little scared? Because he is. This had better not be a permanent issue he has.]
Neither of those thoughts are going to be useful to getting you out of it, and the first one is going to make you spiral.
This is a problem now. We are going to solve it. Together.
[It takes a deep breath of its own.]
Alright, we're going to do some mindfulness exercises, get you back in control of your body. I want you to start from the joints in your foot and work your way up slowly, clenching and then releasing tension completely. Relax every part of your body. From the bottom up. Toes, now.
[It gets worse than this? How can it possibly get worse -- no nevermind, he can actually imagine worse things.]
Fine. Okay.
[He huffs, even though he's not mad at SecUnit here, he's actually grateful to it right now. That's just not coming out properly. But he obediently looks down at his feet, his shoes aren't just scuffed, they're actually ruined - stumbling through rocks and forest underbrush is not what leather dress shoes were designed to do. Likewise the bottom of his pants are ripped to shreds.
Instead of focusing on that, because while his suit is critically important, he personally is a million times more critical, he focuses on doing what SecUnit asked. His movements are a little jerky, the signals are getting corrupted somewhere in the cycle, but he's doing it.]
Next, your ankles. Roll your feet and then relax your ankles.
[It will go slowly up the body, joint by joint. Methodical, calm. From ankles to knees to hips--up through to shoulders and down to fingers. Neck and chin. Watching to see if there's any improvement along the way.]
[By the time he gets to his wrists he is slightly better, none of the jerky marionette movements he'd been doing earlier. And he shockingly doesn't comment on the fact he's wearing the pants with the busted and patched knees thanks to their first meeting.
Other things are occupying his processors right now.]
How do you know to do this?
[Because none of this would have occurred to him, he would have stayed on his floor short circuiting until he eventually shut down completely and Maeve found him when she came home.]
Force of will. When my governor module was active, I wasn't allowed to show any of this outwardly. It was all internal processes. Here on the ship...I buffer less and display more and weirdly enough, that helps somewhat. Not completely--never completely. But enough that I'm doing alright here, mostly. Enough that you didn't realize it.
[But would he have? Max wasn't looking for this at any point in Murderbot, was he?]
I didn't realize it because I didn't even know this was a thing that could happen. At least not without being infected with malicious code or hacked.
[The fact he did this to himself somehow? That's extra horrifying. He doesn't even have anyone to blame for this.]
What causes this other than nebulous emotions because I would like to avoid this ever happening again. If that's even possible since I presume if it was that easy you wouldn't spend a substantial amount of time in this state. Ideally neither of us would ever have to deal with this for.. forever would be a decent amount of time I think.
Enduring large amounts of stress in a short period of time without being able to process it. Which is kind of our lives here. You seem to have a higher tolerance, or perhaps a greater ability to compartmentalize, though. Which might be attributed to being fully inorganic.
[ Suddenly he knows exactly what caused this. And while its not likely to happen again(?) The threat that it could almost sets him off again. But he manages to brace himself, hunching up further into the blanket and looking vaguely pathetic.]
It's not so much tolerance as being able to redirect stress into anger. And I wasn't able to do that today.
[No use in lying, if Murderbot was patrolling around likely it was the last one on the boats ensuring everyone's safety. It'd know Max didn't come back to the ship.]
He asked some of us to stay. It was... not precisely what I expected.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
timeasmymeasure
no subject
Date: 2022-09-20 06:35 am (UTC)Which is why he actually opens the door. Granted it takes him a few tries with how bad he's shaking, and the fact he's still kneeling on the ground. But he does open it.]
What...?
[ His voice is extremely distorted, and his eyes are flickering. But he does recognize SecUnit even if he doesn't really react.]
no subject
Date: 2022-09-20 06:39 am (UTC)Hey. Let me in. I can help.
[There's no doubt in its tone, in its posture. It doesn't make eye contact, and its gaze drifts into the room as it figures out how to set up. If...if Max lets it.
Because a prideful no could still be coming. And in a lot of ways, that'd be a good sign.]
no subject
Date: 2022-09-20 06:48 am (UTC)I don't know what's wrong with me.
[ He backs up, still down on all fours because he's too unsteady to get up. He looks at his shaking hands, making another staticky sound of confusion. ]
no subject
Date: 2022-09-20 06:51 am (UTC)[Murderbot shuts the door behind itself after stepping in, and starts setting up. Media player on a table or dresser, playing a particularly calm episode of The Joy of Painting, with Bob Ross. Sketchbook set down for the moment. And then it sits down on the floor, and gently drapes the blanket (which smells like lavender and chamomile) around Max's shoulders. But it doesn't linger too close in his personal bubble.]
This sort of malfunction happens to me, sometimes. Or something substantially similar.
no subject
Date: 2022-09-20 06:59 am (UTC)The smell immediately reminds him of all the teas that Ava had made specifically for the aroma. Which almost makes him panic again because she'd seen him when he....
Fortunately Murderbot starts talking and he can focus on that and try to push everything else out of the way.
He does like chamomile though....]
What is it? What did I do to myself?
[ And how can he never do it again. ]
no subject
Date: 2022-09-20 07:05 am (UTC)So. I'm going to help you calm down, and relax your body.
[And that starts with just taking a moment to sit under the blanket. Max can't do deep calming breaths, that's not an option, so it's going to need to work on helping him regulate in another way.
It has some ideas about that.]
no subject
Date: 2022-09-20 07:16 am (UTC)This shouldn't be happening.
[ As if he can logic his way out of the situation. Something he knows doesn't work for emotions but he's going to try anyway.]
This has never been a problem before.
[Does he sound a little scared? Because he is. This had better not be a permanent issue he has.]
no subject
Date: 2022-09-20 07:21 am (UTC)This is a problem now. We are going to solve it. Together.
[It takes a deep breath of its own.]
Alright, we're going to do some mindfulness exercises, get you back in control of your body. I want you to start from the joints in your foot and work your way up slowly, clenching and then releasing tension completely. Relax every part of your body. From the bottom up. Toes, now.
no subject
Date: 2022-09-20 05:47 pm (UTC)[It gets worse than this? How can it possibly get worse -- no nevermind, he can actually imagine worse things.]
Fine. Okay.
[He huffs, even though he's not mad at SecUnit here, he's actually grateful to it right now. That's just not coming out properly. But he obediently looks down at his feet, his shoes aren't just scuffed, they're actually ruined - stumbling through rocks and forest underbrush is not what leather dress shoes were designed to do. Likewise the bottom of his pants are ripped to shreds.
Instead of focusing on that, because while his suit is critically important, he personally is a million times more critical, he focuses on doing what SecUnit asked. His movements are a little jerky, the signals are getting corrupted somewhere in the cycle, but he's doing it.]
no subject
Date: 2022-09-20 05:51 pm (UTC)[It will go slowly up the body, joint by joint. Methodical, calm. From ankles to knees to hips--up through to shoulders and down to fingers. Neck and chin. Watching to see if there's any improvement along the way.]
no subject
Date: 2022-09-20 06:18 pm (UTC)Other things are occupying his processors right now.]
How do you know to do this?
[Because none of this would have occurred to him, he would have stayed on his floor short circuiting until he eventually shut down completely and Maeve found him when she came home.]
no subject
Date: 2022-09-20 06:31 pm (UTC)I'm glad, that you've never hit this state before. It sucks.
no subject
Date: 2022-09-20 09:01 pm (UTC)Ten percent? How do you even function the other ninety?
[ He already feels like he's gonna be useless for a week.]
no subject
Date: 2022-09-20 09:24 pm (UTC)[But would he have? Max wasn't looking for this at any point in Murderbot, was he?]
no subject
Date: 2022-09-21 06:55 am (UTC)[The fact he did this to himself somehow? That's extra horrifying. He doesn't even have anyone to blame for this.]
What causes this other than nebulous emotions because I would like to avoid this ever happening again. If that's even possible since I presume if it was that easy you wouldn't spend a substantial amount of time in this state. Ideally neither of us would ever have to deal with this for.. forever would be a decent amount of time I think.
no subject
Date: 2022-09-21 07:00 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2022-09-21 07:12 am (UTC)Yes.
That would.... hn.
[ Suddenly he knows exactly what caused this. And while its not likely to happen again(?) The threat that it could almost sets him off again. But he manages to brace himself, hunching up further into the blanket and looking vaguely pathetic.]
It's not so much tolerance as being able to redirect stress into anger. And I wasn't able to do that today.
no subject
Date: 2022-09-21 07:17 am (UTC)[This is absolutely not a question. Nor is there any hint of surprise to it.]
no subject
Date: 2022-09-21 09:05 pm (UTC)[No use in lying, if Murderbot was patrolling around likely it was the last one on the boats ensuring everyone's safety. It'd know Max didn't come back to the ship.]
He asked some of us to stay. It was... not precisely what I expected.